Around my world

Entre todos os mundos já experenciados,

revejo-me de novo num mundo só meu...

cheios de coisas que já não lembrava existirem,

perdido em memorias de outras horas, levando-me a vaguear por tempos longínquos.

E aqui neste novo velho mundo, olho em volta e parece que não mudou realmente,

as mesmas caras, os mesmos sítios, os mesmos sorrisos e as mesmas conversas..

é bom estar de volta. matar saudades destes rostos,

mas este mundo já não me pertence mais..

é bom, é familiar e acolhedor mas já não me enche a vida..

Já não me é suficiente, já não é a minha casa...

mas eu também já não sei onde ela é mais..

e cá fica o vazio sempre presente,

aguardadando algo que o preencha.. até lá..

Live fast!

end of road,

e hoje aqui olhando o amanhecer de um novo dia,

sinto que acabou...

existem coisas erradas que não vão mudar,

e ainda assim eu sei que sinto-te aqui...

mas isso não é mais importante,

aqui sentada neste sitio tão familiar, revejo todos os nossos momentos..

Foi uma boa história, mas agora sou só eu, tu és só tu...

e acho que apenas há uma direcção a seguir, e nossa não é mais a mesma..

Então, parece que é um adeus a nós.

Não sei o dia de amanhã, não quero saber ,

talvez alguma vez haja um caminho em que nos encontremos novamente..

se nao houver tambem não importa porque os nossos caminhos serão sempre paralelos,

e sabes que quando me quiseres encontrar basta olhares dentro de ti .

Mas agora tu ficas aí eu vou embora, sem olhar para trás.

e é apenas mais uma jornada terminada.

bleeding.

i have my heart open, i just get myself shot.

god my only weakness is that i just care too much...

and all this scars remind me of you... and hurt me saying that the past is real...

but it steal open.. i just want to feel..

im lost and im feeling down... and i just wanna be with you...

you sould never end this up... cause i give me all.

igues i try to give you my hand but you run away,..

and i believe you, and i give it all to you...

and i just want you to know, i can can give up it all for you..

i just give up my world, just to be in yours.. it was never enough

it just im bleeding, every single moment, and i can't have you again in my arms..

god it just feels like bullets ... and you are killing me... slowly...

i can understand .. im not good, i just love too much...

and i just can't say i can move on... or i will be able to be me again....

i just't don't know if i can't hold on anymore...

The End.

e é mesmo só isso,

não há volta a dar a toda esta confusão, acabou.

e não há nada mais para dizer, são só palavras...

Mas o que eu sinto não mudará mais...

Tudo que sempre esperamos um do outro, foram só ilusões irreais,

e ficaram-se por isso... expectativas.

Searching for you...

All over this world, i've been just looking for my baby, for you..

But it looks like a long way to us...

from place to place, arround my mind and yours...

I have searched, and searched a time after another...

I guess you've be hidded from me.

but our past is all behind us now, and ever...

to be real..

I don't wanna know where you've been...
And I don't wanna know who you've been with...
All I want is for you to come home.

i know everybody fight sometimes, and you know it too..

But it feels like we can work this out,

i know we are different.. but everybody are...

And there is a better place then our?

Palpitações.

e hoje neste sótão moribundo, cheio de lixo mental...

sinto-o diferente, não sei se é ele ou eu..

Ele costuma ser tão grande, tão vazio e silencioso.

Hoje este lugar imaginário, parece-me demasiado pequeno para mim,

Escuro e sujo como sempre... mas ainda assim pequeno..

Como se não me pudesse conter aqui..

Esta sensação de ansiedade, não sei o que se passa..

É como se fosse rebentar aqui... ou rachar essas paredes de solidão,

manchadas de lembranças.. como se tudo isso já não coubesse mais em mim...

e mesmo assim sinto que sou pequena demais naquele mundo lá fora...

e apesar da repugnância deste sotão amigo... não quero sair daqui,,

Sempre foi e será o meu refugio.. a minha sala de pânico...

O meu buraco sem fundo, que me acolhe quando me doi a alma...

E hoje, sinto que não é aqui que pertenço... Mas onde?

Eu já não moro noutro mundo além do meu..

E não sei.. Cá dentro ha uma batida forte,

mas nao existe nada que o faça bater assim..

nada que eu queira.. e eu sei que não posso mais querer ...

Este palpitar está a ensurdecer-me... e eu quero que ele pare... e a ansiedade tambem..

Só quero o mesmo nada porque esse nunca me puderá magoar mais do que isso...

Just Words.

once again in this darkness hole,there is to many things that still not finnish...
Looking arround us, inside of us.. inside me and inside you..
It's like a candle, theres no easy to see that little fire,
but we can fell it, and it's burning inside, not that's really matter... is just like we both are trying to do something wrong... we are trying to forget something that is marked in our flesh, in our minds, even worst, in our hearts... and we both are trying to believe its over, that it's not hurting,it's something that we can do easily.. I guess im wrong again.. but i can look inside you, deep inside your eyes, and i see there is something of me there.. god how i wish there isn't, the same way i wish there isn't you deep inside me... so we keep trying, keep that fight against ourself, maybe work, maybe not... doesn't matter, because we lose a battle after another, everytime we look for each other.. i am losing this war, but im still fighting, how i wish this shit is over.. or just wake up and see that was just a fucking nightmare.. i guess i know it will never happen.. god and you say to me, "I don't tricked you", yes you do!!! you trick my trust, my love, my hope... and want to know something, is not because you over it some days ago that make things ok, or worst, that make it hurt any less..
I... I am so fucking angry with myself, but i can't be angry with you.. and that is makin me insane..
I think this is just my escape of world, this little write word, full of nothing, because words it will never be able to say what i feel.

(original data: 17/01/2010)

That (no more) special girl...

Do you remmember that girl i present to you some days ago?!
So, i'm gonna tell you something about her..
That girl was changed, she's not special anymore...
And that boy he lose his shine too...
That girl was so wrong about everything, she think she could ever change something in that scary world, but she can't...
She's alone and she look inside her, she could find herself anymore...
She knew one thing, she can forgive, but she can't forget;
She's not stronger anymore, she became a weak, a loser...
Can't take hard decisions right now...
and i think she can fight everything and everyone,
it looks like she only can't fight herself.
There's so many things wrong in this world,
but the worst is that is too many of that things in her life..
and it was like she can´t take it anymore...
she's always wearing that mask, like it was everything ok..
but i guess this mask is to weigh tons on her face, and she can't hold it ..
and she's afraid, she don't want to be a wight on his life, but she feels she already is.. and that feeling is making her so fucking sad... because she's broken in two.. she want him a lot but she doesn't know if she can fight, or even if she has that right... it looks like the end of road..
but she already learn a lesson but she learn it so fast she can't believe it...
she learn that she doesn't know herself so well as she think she knew, and she learn something really special... If you want to be happy a moment, you revenge, if you want to be happy forever, you forgive! no matter how hard it hurts inside!

some kind of hole...

e hoje que estás aqui tão perto, sinto.te tão longe,

é como se houvesse uma constelação entre nós,

mas estas mesmo ao meu lado...

existem sentidos horrendos, olhares magoados e palavras amarguradas

mesmo assim, há carinho, peso, amizade.

Mas existe dentro de mim, algo novo, vazio,

como um fosse sem fundo, e não consigo encontrar-me mais,

nem a ti... tudo é escuro, turvo, enevoado,

é como se não conseguisse ver nada cá dentro..

uma sala escura, apenas com lembranças espalhadas,

como flashs na minha mente...

e doí, esse vazio doí mais que mil facas a cortarem-me a carne crua..

e ainda assim, depois de tudo,

depois das mentiras e das verdades,

das mentiras impossíveis de guardar... ainda assim...

apesar de toda a revolta por não sentir repugnância, por não sentir raiva...

ainda assim, continuas a luz no meu caminho...

como se ainda sobrasse dentro de mim um lado sádico,

um pequeno pedaço de lamina só para continuar a cortar por dentro,

e ainda assim, parece que essa dor é boa,

só porque o que resta além disso é aquele buraco fundo, e ele assusta-me,

não quero sentir-me sozinha dentro dele...

e por isso continuas a minha luz.. mesmo que não o consigas ver..

que não o consigas sentir... ou mesmo que não o queiras..

e mesmo desta forma estranhamente confusa,

olho nos teus olhos e sei que não está bem, mas ficará.

Independentemente do que vier daqui para frente...

Vemo-nos depois, quando mais nao seja nos olhos um do outro...

e move on, porque amar não é olhar um para o outro, é olhar na mesma direcção...

* a little wish: hey you there, take a fucking good care of him, ' cause he's something unreal.

Story of a soul...

a long time ago, i knew a girl, a some kind of special girl, that girl had a happy life when she was a child, had a great family, good experiences in school and everything a child could ask for, and she was always greatful for that. That girl growed up, she study as much as she could, she have great friends who loved her some much, and she love them too, they have great experiences together, but it was always something missing in her life, she's always felt alone inside. And, one day she meet some great boy, she become her friend, he has the same tastes of her, they laugh a lot, going into concerts and music festivals, they love to walk and live the life fast and good, and she fall in love with him, and he falls in love with her as well, so she doesn't feel so alone anymore, it was the perfection of her imagination but she was happy and a little more complete, they live a beautiful love story, they really loved each other. So, one day, about 17 months later, he broke up with her, but she was strong, she just wanted to know why, but he hided the reason to her, he found someone else, he doesn't love her anymore, he broke up and he was live another love.

The girl was so sad for so many time, it was like the end of the world for her, and was the end of her world, she lost her way, was far from her friends, far from the school, far from everything, she was so alone, so lost that she give up happiness, she become a fighter. So she start to work too, she work so hard to don't have time to think, she worked and studied until she was so tired that fall a sleep... She continued that way for too many time, she study and she gets two jobs because she could not have time to stop, to think, she was afraid of feeling of lonelyness. so she have many jobs, and one day she stoped, she look well inside herself and she don't find he anymore there, she was really happy for that, because she fighted so much for that, but even without the pain, she were alone. So that girl decide to keep the work, she doesn't has much faith about her happiness, but she still not givin up on her life. she knew some other boys, and she have some stories, but she was not enable to love again. She found a new job, something she really liked, work with technologies, she was really happy with that, and she found some great people that she start working with, so one day, she knew a boy, some special boy, special like her, she really liked that boy and they became friends, she see on him only a good friend, the boy see the world very closer to her world, he already had some bad things on his life too, and they realy like each other, they can't see they are falling in love. Some day fellings talk to high, and they kiss, it was a light on both worlds, and they start living in a world of they two, to that girl it was like a sign of hope, she doesn't believe she had anymore to give, but she had, and she gives it all to that boy, she love that boy so much, and he love her too, they lived a love that was very different from what she knew, it was like they are married, she trated him a lot and he was very carefull with her, it was like that stories you listen in kid. That story have bad things too, she was sad again, but he doesn't do nothing wrong, he only get tired, she understand that so well, but they still love each other, and they broke up, and both get sad, but they aren't kids anymore, so they get that was not enought, anyway they both still sad, that girl was lost again but she still have hope, because she still have fire inside her, she still love him too much, much than she loved anyone, and she feels he are the one...

That story isn't over, she's still have faith.. and i think she will not give up that man, she don't are a child anymore, she are a woman and she still a fighter...